Just to recap....
So far, on our rip-roaring journey into the subconscious mind of an English fop in FLA, we've landed at the Airport in part 1, visited Alamo in part 2, discussed the finer points of government publications in part 3, and next we'll maybe tweak the nose of perception in part 4, when?, right about now actually......

{dedicated to my good friend Marty and his wonderfully unique powers of perception}

People around about scratched their chins wondering what the milky-white tourist was looking at so intensely. Scanning slowly up to the impressive green frog figure head, then gently back towards the staring visitor, completely in unison, as if watching a 45 degree tennis match. A little while and a few stiff necks later, one of them plucked up enough courage to addressed the silent stranger. The others looked on with slightly stunned faces, as if this particular lady had no right whatsoever (and no manners therefore) to break the silence at such a crucial point in such a tense and even match. Sadly there was no umpire to politely ask for quiet.

"Muh?" said Cagey, still squinting his eyes, fixed at the top of the building, as if trying to focus on something very very small from way too far away. "I seeyd, I like da muppeets too, I jast larve Kermeeght, do you larve Kermeeght?, and dees show ees seemply amaazing, youf seen eet?, rrright?, weghll, last yeaghr we brrought dee keeds, and Marrieeah, or waas eeet Joanna, weghll, anyghway......", she finally paused for breath. "yeaaah..." slipped in Cagey, just before she caught her breath, he was still trying his absolute damndest to see something which clearly wasn't there, but was it 'really' not there? She looked too, her eyes fixed as she continued talking.

Cagey shook his head and walked inside the Muppets 3D theatre. The rest of the crowd dispersed, whilst the middle aged Mexican lady continued squinting up at the giant Kermit figurehead as if looking for something very very small from way to far away. A group of Japanese tourists gathered around her, scratching their chins and doing the whole 45 degree tennis match thing over again, but this time there was commentary! "...eet was joanna, eye reghmembergh now for sure...." (but still no umpire!)

the mind is an incredible thing, it 'helps' us to believe what we see, well, most of the time. When we see something our brain cannot normally comprehend it conveniently manipulates the clear-as-day facts it's presented with in order to more easily explain them away, this is called 'perception'. Breast enhancements are a good example of something clearly and hideously false, selectively perceived as beautifully true. Selectively, as it seems only the bearer of such false 'gifts' believes them to be well worth the $7,000 she paid and that anyone sucking air through their teeth when informed of the bargain price is simply jealous as hell, and not imagining a luxury cruise, a lifetime supply of beer or a good deposit on a small time share in the Algarve.

The part of the brain which deals with 'reality modification' or 'actuality bending' is called the perceptory theatre, or theatre 1 for short. There are four in all, (1) perception, (2) attention/consciousness, (3) function - memory, language, movement, and (4) behaviour and identity. Drinks and popcorn are allowed in all theatres, cigarettes should be extinguished in the ashtrays provided on the way into the Cinema complex. 'Salted' popcorn provided in US theatres should be clearly labelled for any UK tourists who are not used to eating that salty butter crap!

Occasionally, things start getting dangerous when two or more theatres combine (or gang up), as in the breast example above. Theatre one, is showing perception, whilst theatre four screens a matinee of identity and behavioural change. Those outside the cinema complex can appreciate the chaos this creates, witnessing the type of thoughts running between theatres, and the kind of popcorn crunching shenanigans they get up to, from a safe distance.

As cinemas go it's not too advanced, only four theatre screens, restricted programming and pretty uninteresting residents (read thoughts), most of the time. Just occasionally, something comes along to make life just that little bit more ridiculous, or excitingly hard to explain.....our Japanese tourists for instance may have the most up-to-date electronic and photographic equipment, they may have all the manuals, badly translated from English with which they have few or no problems understanding. They might even have chuckled at some point with friends and read aloud the bit about fingers over 'flash bums', warnings about discarding worn-out rechargeable 'bad trees' and keeping the device 'out of leech' or it might be dangerous to pets. Presumably pet leeches have trouble digesting camera parts?

Picking the bones out of a written translation is one thing, a Mexican accent is an entirely different kettle of fish, particularly when the accent in question is being used to simply fill in the silence due to the confused and increasingly uncomfortable state of it's owner. With this in mind, in addition to consideration as to what the phrase 'different kettle of fish' might mean to a Japanese person and how they might 'pick the bones' out of it, please read on.....

The Japanese tourists discussed the situation in whispers drowned out by the rambling of their, well, their, hmm.......(it was a unanimous decision, based on the reality presented to them and collectively 'bent'), their (no, honestly), their (though, none of their party could remember organising or specifically asking for one, which they all had agreed was very strange), their .....'tour guide'.