De Tail!

De Tail! from Mike Carroll on Vimeo.

a simple wow

One of my dearest friends and her spouse came over tonight for dinner and game. Our evening also included a walk on the beach with the dogs. It was to be very informal and stress free.

I asked my friend, during the course of the evening, if she knew Sherry Grover, a local woman who recently took matters into her own hands under Washington state law, to end her life.

M. broke down beyond what I might have expected from a medical professional, but her grief was all about incidents in her past when she's been called upon to act against what was then Washington State law.

Disclaimer: When I first sought out this doctor (yeah, she's a doctor) I asked about her feelings regarding exit strategies. As a cancer patient, I had some possibly immediate concerns. We had a good talk, and it was then that I knew she'd be my doc. She got it.

M's compassion, concern, and risk quotient are what brought her into my sphere. Our love for one another, our connection (as month-apart babies, among other things), and our acknowledgement of one another are strong forces. Don't get between that. It'll hurt you.

Bottom line: what an honor to have a beloved friend open her heart completely and unequivocally and know she'll be tended and safe. Maybe someday I can use her home for the same. I seriously hope so.

acts of kindness

I am always undone by unsolicited acts of kindness.

Several years ago, I was at LAX, desperately trying to get home after a soul-shatteringly miserable experience. I was trying to get a flight a day earlier than my scheduled return. The ticket line was long - very long. An agent was taking an inordinately long time to try to communicate to an Asian man how to get to the gate. Finally she stepped out of her work area, took him by the arm, and led him away. They were both smiling. There wasn't a word of protest from any of us waiting - and I don't know about my fellow travelers, but that's when I started to cry.

When I finally got to the ticket counter myself, all I could say, in a very shaky, teary voice, was "Please help me get home today" and with little fuss, it was done. I had a long wait, of course, for my flight, and ample time to observe my fellow man.

To me, LAX is a pit of discontent and ugliness. Of course, that might be colored by having arrived there, after a 14-hour "all daylight" flight from Sydney, Australia. The employees were clearly unhappy and severely undereducated. Consider that our flight was perhaps 40% Asian travelers - with or without English language skills. The cattle chute we had to walk through wasn't clearly marked, and we were pretty beat. But rather than get up from their chairs to direct people, they just sat there shouting at anyone heading the wrong way. Louder, if the wayward traveler didn't seem to understand the English command. It was a painful experience, to say the least.

But that day, as I waited for my flight, I witnessed a myriad of kindnesses - the holding of doors, the giving up of seats, the simple exchange of smiles. And the final straw for me, strangely: I went to the concourse Munchie City for some fries. The young man who handed them to me looked me in the eye, held my gaze, and said, "Thanks! Have a lovely afternoon."

Yeah. That's how fragile I was. I wept. For a long time, alone, in LAX. For a brief moment I wasn't in the midst of humanity's worst, but instead in a glowing place of human frailty and beauty, the tapestry that can only be made by human interaction.

But you're wondering what my point is. Okay, here it is.

I kinda got off track lately, becoming impatient with one of the places I like to hang out (on-line) with friends, and wondering why, in spite of the many - and I do mean many - wonderful and life-long friends I've made there. There didn't seem much point to hanging around there, other than to keep in touch with many of them. And then this. Beanie lost her youngest daughter, suddenly and unexpectedly, the day after Thanksgiving. The only imaginable cause is Long QT Syndrome, which, sadly, cannot be diagnosed after death. It is the probable cause only when everything - everything - else is ruled out.

Many of us know who made the book. How that person found the time or money to do so just blows my mind. But there you have it - an unsolicited act of human kindness, and one that's broken my heart wide open, and is the reason I'm so tied to that place and its denizens. It's good to see the love. Very, very good.

some sort of leaf

hobbitt and I have begun Weight Watchers again today.

We've been wildly successful in the past. What we lack is stamina.

But this time, the stakes are pretty high, for me, anyway. I'm pushing the diabetes envelope, among other health issues.

Both my sisters are doing it with wonderful results. I want to join them. I'm thanking you in advance for your support and encouragement.

just a bit nipped up

Wrestling from Mike Carroll on Vimeo.

simple stuff

I pray for good health, prosperity, and joy for all my family, friends, and acquaintances. It's been a decent year. This next one will really be better!

it will speak for itself

Furry Tree Ornament from Mike Carroll on Vimeo.

our holiday tree

My friend Mairi is the communications director for Recycling Council of British Columbia. She's scandalized that we have a fake tree, since Christmas trees are actually considered a renewable resource, with little environmental impact, unlike our "forever in the landfill" tree.

Oh well.

We made this brief video just for her.

realization

Next year hobbitt and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I know! It seems like just yesterday I was wearing those blue suspenders that accented my, uh, assets. I walked past his office door as often as possible. I put a psychic neon sign on my forehead saying "I'm interested!" but never approached him directly. It took him a while to figure it out.

Fast forward (and it sure seems like it has) 20 wonderful years. Who'da thunk it?

We've been talking the past couple of years about renewing our vows in the presence of our friends and family. We've been thinking BIG meetup and casual party. We've talked about renting some of the time-shares here to put folks up if they can get here.

Turns out he's probably not going back on full pay next year. It may be quite a while before that happens. In the meantime, we're enjoying all those extra days off, but we're beginning to face the inverse relationship between time and money. Having lots of one means not having so much of the other. We're pretty good about having "no-money fun", but all bets are off about having an anniversary party. And traveling this coming year is probably not going to happen.

We'll be fine. There are myriad ways we can cut back on our spending without causing organ damage (and his employer pays for our cable internet connection, which is good, because losing that would probably cause me to go bat shit insane).

So oh well. We're grateful for all we have, and can do. It'll be an interesting year.

this and that, and congratulations to Grant and Laura!

I woke this morning around 9:30 (shut up!) thinking we had a woodpecker on the side of the house. It wasn't a bad dream. I heard it. And not like the woodpeckers we had on the side of our house in Illinois. Those little bastards sounded like jackhammers in the walls!

Whatever the dominant woodpecker is out here, it's a slower, hesitant peck. I've heard it many times. The birds aren't quite so jacked up on Starbucks or whatever.

But lo! and behold! It wasn't a woodpecker. It was only Axel, our kitten, on the windowsill at the open window by my side of the bed. He was seeing, evidently, something very enticing and exciting. The end of his tail was drilling against the wall.

I went back to bed. I mean, 9:30, seriously? hobbitt was still asleep. He's warm and cuddly. You do the math.

Next thing I knew it was 1:00 pm, and evidently time to get up.

In other news, our dear friends and neighbors in IL married off their wonderful son, Grant, this weekend. We weren't to be blessed with children, and sometimes had a dim view of the prospect. But Mary and Rusty's parenting brought forth a fine young man. We were privileged to see much of his growing up. Not a better young man on the planet. Please join us in congratulating him on his nuptials! We got to meet his bride some years ago when we still lived in IL. And we'll just say this about that: SCORE, Grant! May you be as happy as we are!